I went to sleep at 2AM. Less than 4 hours later, I woke up just before the alarm went off, my hands itching for code I left unfinished. I wonder if this is a healthy behavior, and what my doctor will tell me once I tell her about this.
The truth is that I've been longing for Mondays for a while now. It's not any Monday: it's Carnaval Monday. Here in Brazil, and especially here in Rio, it is a big deal. Most businesses are closed and people are in the streets partying. I don't envy them, nor do I think any highly of myself because of it. Everyone should look for happiness and joy however they come. I would, if I knew how. Right now, the only thing I feel is satisfaction for having finished my studies on the Mezzanine framework (the engine powering this blog). I was finally able to squash a minor undocumented bug that took me a lot more research that I'd have the courage to admit. But satisfaction is not joy or happiness. Satisfaction feels like... well, like nothing. A very dear friend of mine tells me satisfaction is the feeling of relief for not feeling anything worse, and I agree. I feel hungry, too, but every animal walking on the surface of the Earth (or swimming in the sea) can feel the same.
This is not a rant, nor a rave. To be honest, this is so pedestrian that the only reason it is worth blogging about is because, when I woke up, I searched for a joyful Monday gif using the Telegram inline bot and found none. Apparently, I live in a world where no one feels the need to make or share joyful Monday gifs. I tried other days of the week and they had at least a single uplifting gif. All of them! So, in this Carnaval Monday, as I got up to study and others got up to party, no one thought of exchanging friendly Happy Mondays. Despite being a Monday. Because Mondays are tainted with the unfun seal of disapproval, the Scarlet Letter of dread and self-hatred.
I like Mondays as I like every other day of the week. Except Saturdays, of course, when I get to meet the ever-pleasant folks at the Pré-Universitário Comunitário Rubem Alves (I wonder if they feel as excited to meet me, as well, but just as a curiosity, my excitement does not require reciprocation). Mondays, of course, carry with themselves the expectations of returning, restarting, reevaluating, which is always nice. Maybe that's why I look forward to them: there's a promise somewhere out there that I'll be freed of this unrelenting boredom that permeates my spirit.
Perhaps that's why my fellow home citizens are rejoicing themselves under the cloudy sky and humid weather overseeing the crowded streets out there. They see this Monday just as I see it: an opportunity to get away from the sameness. I just wish they realize sameness is a state of mind easily disrupted by getting out of their comfort zone. Every Monday could be Carnaval Monday if they make it their goal.